2020

Distancing yourself is a double-edge sword, you have your moments of peace and complete focus on your well-being, but there are times where you’re looking back to those people you’re closing your doors to, and the littlest amount of space you can see that they’re still the same if not happier, you can’t hold back your annoyance and envy knowing that you’re the one who’s walking away. You just keep walking even if it still hurts and even if there are times that you’ll be looking back on yourself, who is more forgiving and caring, who let others go in first and you last, who dedicate their time and efforts to them, knowing that you don’t have enough one for yourself. 

Everyday, you’re choosing yourself for a change, it doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, you’ve been through so much, so much that it still hurts. Forgiving does not come with age, it’s something I am feeling guilty about, should (i) forgive knowing their numbers are reduced everyday? they’re still family? but why am (i) feeling this way if (i)’m ready to forgive?

I can’t.